michellesingleton.com // Confessions of the Preacher’s Wife

At 5:00am as I drive to the Y for early morning workouts, I tune in to Christian radio.  Most often I listen to Family Life Today, a broadcast ministry aimed at building strong families and directing them to Jesus.

Last week, a woman being interviewed brought up this point:

Someone thinks your husband is a hottie! 

How right she is!  When our husbands are away at work, they typically have their hair combed, teeth brushed, and are smelling pretty good too!  They have on their best manners and I doubt they fart out loud.  The very things we found so attractive about our men when we were dating are still lurking in them.  But as wives, we don’t always see those terrific qualities through the shoes and clothes left on the floor, the messy kitchen, bedhead, morning breath and farting under the covers.

When our husbands are away from home, the above irritations are absent.  An outsider sees the best in our man just as we did when we were dating.  Outsiders don’t nag and are usually very agreeable and even complimentary.  Even without words, an outsider can make a man feel like he is a hottie. 

But what would happen in our marriages if we were the ones who let our husbands know just how hot they really are?  If we were the ones who treated our guy like a hottie wants to be treated?  Even if it means overlooking little things (see yesterday’s blog) that in the big picture are really not important.  Hummm… just a thought!

Recently, I met a woman with a daughter in middle school.  During our brief conversation, she told me that she had been a widow for 5 years.  It was not a journey she ever thought she’d travel, in fact, she said, “I never thought it would happen to me.”

Our conversation turned to the importance of clinging to the Lord for daily survival and for strength to make it through the really tough times.  We also talked about the  importance of being thankful for what we do have ~ not taking people for granted. 

She told me one thing she had zero tolerance for:  Women who do not speak favorably of their husbands.

“The things that bug you about your husband that you think are important, are really not important.  Don’t make little things a big deal.”

Her wise words came from a heart familiar with loss.  A heart that has wondered why she didn’t get another chance to let her husband know little things were really no big deal.  A heart that now has to travel the journey alone.

Lord, help me to overlook the little things.  Give me a thankful heart that fully appreciates the man I have.

Last week we received confirmation that our Muddy Buddy registration was official… we’re in!

Just what have we gotten ourselves into?  I am asking that question myself…

But it goes something like this:

The race is 6–7 miles long.  Two people and 1 bike make a team.  One team member starts out on the bike while the other one begins running.  After each mile they switch.  The biker drops the bike for the runner to pick up and then begins to run the next mile.  However, before the switch, they must pass through an unknown obstacle course.  I’m told the obstacles are great fun (cargo net crawl, military-style wall, 30′ inflatable climb-and-slide, and balance beam).  The leapfrog continues until the end when team members must conquer the famous Mud Pit before crossing the finish line together.

So who is crazy enough to do this with me?  None other than my Dallas muddy buddy, Kate!  We’ve even got a “team name”  Shark Teeth… that is another story… but do we sound intimidating?

More good news… the race director promises a shower after the race:

Oh my!  The race is in October… I’ll keep you posted on our training!

As I was going through my email, I came across one I had seen before.  It was a devotional written by Rick Warren.  The last paragraph caused me to pause and think about how crazy I’d been running around getting the kids ready for school and with much shame I admit not spending quality time with God.  This is what Pastor Rick wrote:

“When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don’t get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.  God didn’t put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list.  He is more interested in what I am than in what I do.  That is why we are called human beings not human doings.”

I wish I could tell you that is the first thing I say each morning.  But I can’t.  Before my alarm even goes off, I wake up thinking about everything that I need to check off my list.  I wish I wasn’t so “to-do list” oriented. 

Sometimes a word from a friend or a devotional helps me refocus my priorities.  And that is just what happened today.  Today, I shifted from being a human doing to a human being… anyone care to join me?

This is my friend.  Ashlyn has an amazing faith in God.  Her positive approach to God’s involvement in her life is an inspiration to me and many others.  Ashlyn is happily married to a wonderful man who adores her.  She is a terrific mother to two young girls, and she plays keyboard at her church when she is able…

Last August Ashlyn was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  After finshing her intial rounds of chemo, a PET scan revealed two new spots.  Here is an excerpt from her journal:

My doctor also told us yesterday that  I can have a “bye” week or two from chemo infusion schedule – so I can get the girls ready for school and start to get all of us into a fall routine  before I have to get my next dose.   That will take longer than a couple weeks, but I’ll take what I can get!

I did ask the doctor about switching drugs to go after these two persistent spots and get to remission – as that is still the goal.   He explained that Doxil is probably not the drug that will take us into remission, but it IS WORKING in that it is containing the cancer, and I’m enjoying an active daily life while undergoing treatment.   My body needed a break from the “big guns” of chemo drugs that hit the bone marrow so hard (white cells, hemoglobin, platelets), cause more fatigue, and not to mention, take out the hair, eyelashes, etc.     In this business, you don’t mess with what’s working, because once you change drugs, you can’t go back and use a previous drug again.  And, you risk that the new drug won’t work as well or won’t work at all .

Here’s an analogy:  The carpet in my house has so many spots on it that are driving me nuts – it really needs to be cleaned.  So once I have it cleaned, imagine there are still two little spots left.  My perfectionism would have me focusing all my energy and attention on those spots – BE GONE!  I’d be tempted to get whatever chemical I needed to take them out – never mind that the rest of it was clean.  (Remember, the enemy loves to take our greatest strengths and turn them into our most vulnerable weakness)   In my determination and attention to detail, I’d be focused on the imperfection and pour all my energy into that.   Imagine me using some new chemical on those spots that may take them out – but  just as likely, if not more likely, will cause more spots to pop up again, all while filling my house with toxic fumes and doing who knows what other damage.   Since my first instinct is to attack those spots with whatever it takes…..it’s probably not what God wants for me. 

Since I’m being given time now – containment, and time, and a full life I’m able to fully live, maybe time is just what I need most.   Maybe all the research and clinical trials going on now will lead to a new drug that will someday be available that WILL take out those spots and that won’t cause the damage to healthy tissue that chemo causes.  “Lord, my times are in Your hands.” 

I loved Ashlyn’s carpet analogy.  How many times have I gone after the “spots” or details in my life and missed God’s timing for something better, bigger — something in His perfect plan.  To proclaim  “my times are in God’s hands” is not always my first natural instinct.  But I am greatly inspired to actively seek God’s timing for all things by my dear friend, who has been such an encouragement to me in the midst of her battle against cancer.

One of my favorite memories of our beach trip was seeing Rob run out of the bathroom spitting and begging for water.  His eyes flooded with tears and his face was redhot!  “Water!  Now!  My mouth is on fire!” he yelled.  Seems I could not move fast enough.

What was up?  I ran to the bathroom only to find an opened tube of Icy Hot laying on the counter next to Rob’s toothbrush. 

Do you think he needs glasses?

Carol Lee is a friend of mine — full of life, a terrific grandmother who wears a perpetual smile and is quick to enjoy a good laugh.  Carol Lee truly cares about others and looks for ways to help the people around her… she has a big heart.  While life’s journey has taken her down a few bumpy roads, Carol Lee maintains an infectious positive outlook.

She is also one of these women who always looks beautifully put together… perfectly dressed (even while cleaning her house), perfect hair and make-up.  And when she eats, her lipstick stays on!  I’ve tired but can’t seem to figure that one out.  You can count on her house to be “company ready” at any time on any day.

Yesterday I caught Carol Lee making fig preserves.  SSSHHH!  Don’t tell her.  She had a spot of preserves on the side of her pants.  But when I saw her kitchen, it was immaculate.  Her ingredients were perfectly lined up, pre-measured and arranged in bowls by the order they were called for in her recipe, all kitchen utensils not in use were washed and clean.  And her counter tops?  Well they looked like they belonged to Paula Deen — right off the Food Network

I had to ask, “Why?”  I’d already determined that “how” was far beyond my kitchen abilities.  You know what Carol Lee told me?

If should die while making these fig preserves, at least I’ll go neat and orderly.

Later that day I thought about Carol Lee’s words.  Was my life in order?  If I died today, would I be ready?

I am pretty sure neither my kitchen nor my hair would look “perfect,” but what about my heart?  Is my heart orderly?  Is my relationship right with Jesus?  My family?  My friends?  Is there anyone that I need to forgive or ask forgiveness from?

Paul offers good advice for daily “house keeping” and living a “neat and orderly life.”

1 Timothy 6:11 (NLT) “Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.”

I’ve never been very good at Boogie Boardin’ … until this summer.  Nathan taught me how to catch a wave.  “You’ve got to wait for the perfect wave, Mom.”  My problem was that I was trying to catch every wave that came my way.  I never seemed to get on top of the wave until I learned to  wait… timing is everything!

And when I waited, the right wave soon appeared and took me all the way to shore.  Exhilarating!

When I finally got the hang of it, even our lab paused for a moment!

And Nathan cheered me on.

I guess that is how God feels when I finally manage to wait on His perfect timing.  I can just imagine Him cheering me on.  But waiting isn’t easy for me.  I can’t even begin to count the times I’ve jumped the gun, attempting to take matters in my own hands.  And the outcome never works out as well as when I wait on Him.

One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)  “But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.”

The exhilaration that comes from soaring up on wings like eagles… like riding the perfect wave… is always worth the wait.  And it draws me closer to my King.

No, not golf.  This is a different Captain’s Choice.  One that is all about silly fun!  While we were at the beach, the discovered a huge play area in the basement of our favorite restaurant.  There was a gigantic ship complete with bunks, a ship kitchen, rafts, sailor hats, brooms & mops for cleaning the ship’s deck and fishing gear… just about everything kids would need for operating a play ship.  Our kids were all about this.

Kate and I pulled out our cameras ~ didn’t want to chance missing this Kodak moment.

At first, Rob and Erich were not getting into our Kodak moment.  But the longer the kids played, the sillier they got.  And the dads arrived… causing the ship to crash… shipwrecked on Gilligan’s Island!

Our entire crew laughed until we thought our bellies would split open.  Our  sailing adventure was contagious.  Other adults who were initially content to let their kids play got in on the action and started taking pictures of themselves dressing up with sailor hats and life jackets. 

Silliness helps leave behind the cares of the day… may you enjoy your own trip to Gilligan’s Island… but beware… the Watkins and Singletons may be lurking around their own shipwreck!

Although we go to the same beach every year, eat at our same favorite restaurants, and our activities are pretty much the same (boogie boardin’, bocce ball, sand castles, sunrises, beach walks, sunscreen, etc.), God gives us a unique and special blessing each summer.  Last year it was loggerhead turtles, the year before horseshoe crabs, the year before starfish, the year before sanddollars… same beach, different year with different gifts from God.

This year it was Shark Teeth.  That’s right, shark teeth!  We found them everywhere.  Between the 10 of us, we collected over 350 of them… Nathan became our S.T.E. (Shark Tooth Expert) finding 173 of his own.

Everytime we found anything black, we would run to Nathan and ask, “Is this a shark tooth?”  Nathan would carefully inspect our find and then give us his S.T.E. stamp of approval… or not.  He was patient with us shark teeth finders for the first few days.  But after showing him many broken seashells, Nathan grew weary having to reject our shark teeth imposters.  Nathan had studied true shark teeth and he was able to identify them with out hesitation.  Why?  Because he knew the truth.

He came up with a phrase that stuck:  “If you have to ask, it’s probably not.”

I love that!  And isn’t it the same with our own questions we sometimes ask God?

What if I tell this little white lie ~ no biggie right? 

What if I cheat on this one tax question?

Is it wrong for me to watch this “adult” movie even though it makes me uncomfortable and I’d never let my kids see it?

I can almost hear God saying, “If you have to ask, then it is probably not OK.”

The Bible tells us in John 8:32 (NLT) “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Truth is a person, Jesus Christ.  And the more we get to know him (Truth), the easier it is to discern right from wrong because we are sensitive to His voice and to His leading in our lives.

John 10:4 (NKJV)  “… he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.”

I think I’ll adopt Nathan’s phrase for my spiritual life… and continue getting to know Jesus better each day.